“So… You are haunting yourself?” Genevieve confirmed what I’d explained to her.
I’d left the boy to catch a nap and waited on deck with Sword and Genevieve. The Mainland grew larger the closer we sailed.
“I’m glad no one was hurt. I’ve missed the feeling, saving people.” My words were caught on the wind. I didn’t lie. The admiration after living through the horror of demon laughter and squeals wasn’t something I could ignore. My chest swelled for the thankful nods and smiles. Some were skeptical as they eyed me from afar.
“So you cannot use the full extent of your power?” Sword summed up my situation further. I avoided his gaze. “And you were going to take us into battle without sharing it with us?”
“Sorry.” I gazed at the fresh cracks on the floor.
“No, no, it’s fine. It’s not like I trusted the last traveler to get us out of a pinch.” He sighed. “I can’t blame you for wanting to hide it though.”
“The body doesn’t remember pain.” I smiled at Genevieve.
“Most women know what that means. I know it better than most men. All these scars,” I lifted my shirt to reveal the healed lines, “Be glad you didn’t see the rest of me. I learned at an early age that your body forgets the pain once it has healed. Lying on that floor, with my haunting searching through my innards with its hand, was painful. Excruciating even. My body will carry that evidence, but I cannot recall the pain I endured.”
“I’m sorry I asked earlier. You’re right though, most women have learned that at an early age.” Genevieve folded her arms while she stared out to sea.
“What are the two of you talking about? Normal pain? I can relate to that.” Sword tried to join our unspoken understanding. We glared at the man.
He held his hands up in defense. “I’m just glad Seth isn’t broody like he was at the Library. Your mood lifts the more time you spend with us.”
He wasn’t wrong, I was growing to like my party of four, but it meant there were three more people in my life that could die. I wasn’t sure if I could survive a repeat of Lucy.
“Seth.” Genevieve raised an eyebrow. “We won’t die.”
“Did you get some gift to read minds?” I grinned at her.
She grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it. “Not that I am aware of. I just thought about it. You’ve had to lose people throughout your journey. Makes sense you would struggle with that. I’d worry if you didn’t.”
“You hide it very well,” Sword said.
They must have been planning this discussion for some time. Of course, they would noticed me keeping to myself and avoiding them when they’ve been living with me for a year.
“You try your best to keep everyone at arm’s length. It’s understandable.” She paused and gazed at the enormous cliff looming closer. “It isn’t fair to the rest of us who have grown to like you.”
I’ve never thought about protecting myself from pain as being selfish, but she was right. When Genevieve tried to gossip with me about Sword and Timothy in the Library, I’d brushed her off. When Sword wanted extra combat training, I’d refused. Timothy, who’d wanted to swim in the bath, and I’d rejected the idea.
The docks were hidden in a giant cave with shadows playing across one another, while we sailed nearer. The crew lowered the ship’s sails. The rowers drifted it through the cave opening. Inside was an identical hall of heroes and, at the end of it, were similar large doors.
“I’m sorry. I’ll have to work on my bonding skills, but you’re right, Genevieve. Living a life where you’re trying to avoid connections in the hope of not feeling pain again is futile. I just wish that the pain of the heart worked like the pain of the body.”
They said nothing when I stood up. Timothy dragged our bags one by one, short distance by distance, to us. I took mine with a smile for his efforts. He had his dirty clothes in his one hand. He didn’t want to put them with his clean clothes.
“Sensible,” Sword said as the shadow of the cave fell over us. “When we are on dry land, I will help you clean those in the ocean water, rather salty than, well, filthy.”
Timothy pressed his lips together, his eyes darting like seagulls trying to find a place to perch between myself and Sword.
“We need to bath too, don’t you think?” I waited for his reaction.
The boy’s face lit up, and he straightened, a twinkle returning to his eyes.
“What is our plan, though?” Genevieve gestured to the welcoming party waiting on the docks.
“Well, I guess we tell them what the reason is for me showing up rather than Cindy. We will talk to their leaders in time, but I have a teenager I need to meet first.”
“See, my dear Mistress Luck has never let me down.” Captain Veren threw his one arm around my shoulder while holding a dark glass bottle in the other hand. The stench of sour berries clung to his breath.
“Thank you, Captain, I’m glad we arrived safely.” I tried to smiled. He lifted his arm and a smacked me forward as he gave me a punch on my back.
“It was great, just never sail with me again.” The captain’s eyes narrowed then he stumbled away from me.
I searched the faces for black hair and serious eyes. A thud on the deck behind me said I wouldn’t find him on the docks. A teenager gripped a dagger in each hand. He wore a smile while he studied the people on the ship.
“Seth, this is a surprise.” Something in the teenager’s eyes dared me.
“Brandon.” The teenager inside of me wanted to hug him like I used to when he was eight and stood in my apartment.
He seethed and stomped to me. The mark across my palm throbbed as he approached.
“Seth.” He grinned and met me with an embrace.
It was like the world stood still. The hug wasn’t unwelcomed so I returned it. He had a bitter smell to him. I had half a mind to tell him he needed a bath too, but I decided against it when I enjoyed his arms around my neck. He grew up to be quite a young man.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, but he only squeezed tighter and sighed in the curve of my neck.
“It’s okay,” he whispered.
I relaxed a bit. When he stepped back there were tears in his eyes. “I missed you, Seth. Life has been tough here on the Mainland.”
“I hear you play many roles,” I said.
He motioned for us to follow. We lined up while the crewmen lowered the ramp. Brandon lunged ahead of us to approach another young man with dirty blond hair and the brightest blue eyes. The two of them shared a moment before continuing with their duties.
Genevieve leaned in toward me. “I’m not the only one who saw that?”
“I guess not,” I said, crossing onto the dock.
Sword and Genevieve marched to the cloaks with their hands on their relics holstered on their bodies in different ways. Brandon waited for me at the first statue. Timothy’s gaze darted between me and Sword and chose to run after Sword.
“What did Cindy say?” Brandon asked.
I breathed out some air while honored by the statues in the hall. He leaned against the first statue—the first cloak.
“I should fall in with your plan and join the attack on Volupto. After that, I have to close the gate in the Deadlands.” I recited the same way I’d rehearsed in my head.
“You are heading to the Deadlands?” He grinned. “Makes sense. Destroying their means to enter the physical is the logical move. I guess you came up with that part?”
“I don’t remember, but I’m the only one who can.” I stopped myself from saying more.
Brandon was a double agent. The title itself merited he should not be trusted. When I looked at him, I saw the eight-year-old boy who’d glared me down whenever I gave him something to do. This young man was no longer that boy.
He beckoned me with his head to join him on his way into the Library. He took me to the war table and directed my attention to the map—a different one than those in Lenost’s Library.
“We are going to hit them hard. Their ships in the harbor are the prize.” He palmed some pebbles then placed them on the map’s desert area. “We will attack the city and kill the demons we come across. Those from the harbor will join the conflict. During that time, another group will take the ships and sail them around to this Library. My men in the city will retreat, leaving the demons without an escape route and us enough time to board the ships and sail for Lenost. Some of us will stay behind, but that’s the idea.”
“Are you planning on using all of the ships?” At Brandon’s puzzled frown, I continued, “Then why not take two and burn the others? You will spare time, cause mayhem, and the demons coming to Volupto’s aid will be thrown in disarray.”
He crossed his arms and stared at the map for a while. “That’s not a bad idea. Very good, we’ll do that.” He clapped his hands and smiled at me. “You have traveled some way, and I hear it wasn’t the best of trips. How about some food, a bath, and drink?”
I tilted my head and leered at him. “Wait, how did you know about what happened? I haven’t left you alone since we docked.”
“The art of espionage is to know things. Half of the sailors were mutes when you docked. The ship’s deck was cracked, not to mention the whispers of the black fog and the demon ships you escaped.”
I gaped. “You put all that together simply by listening among the sailors and being on the ship?”
An angel appeared in the shadows. It had the form of a man and the head of some feline.
“Get them some food and something to drink,” Brandon barked at it.
It blinked slowly and strolled off.
Timothy ran up to me with clean pants in one hand.
Brandon frowned at the child. “You still looking after runaway kids?” His expression hardened. “Good for you.” He stormed off.
Timothy waited next to me. “Who is that guy?”
“An old friend.” I took his hand while we strode toward the nearest door. I hoped that like the Library in Lenost, the door would open to the room we needed most. We entered through the door to a large bathing area.
Other men were cleaning themselves. I sighed, but Timothy squeezed my hand. We undressed against the wall with infant seats to place our clothes on. The bathing rooms in the Library were odd. When I climbed out of the water, it steamed off me before I could dress. Timothy ran and jumped into the pool of water, splashing everyone. A few men laughed at his youthful vigor, while others grumbled and waded to the far side of the pool. Their gazes summed me up when I revealed the scars over my body. I climbed into the water, and the boy swam over to me.
“This is fun.” He squirted water out of his mouth.
I allowed the warm water to run over my skin. It always helped with the numb areas or on bad days when the healed scars throbbed. My wounds were deeper than most. I smiled when I thought back to the day I left Piper’s mansion to stay on my own. People helped me to adjust to the new life. Chief among them was a woman called Granny Leah. She’d owned the apartment building I stayed in. When she took me in, she taught me how to clean myself and how to make food that wasn’t half bad. She treated my wounds, too.
“Take off your clothes and come stand here,” she used to say. She’d make me move to check mobility or for lingering infection. “They broke you, didn’t they?’ she’d asked me.
I’d pressed my lips together. “Can’t break something if there ain’t anything to break.”
She cried after that statement. My English was bad back then, broken, not unlike myself. It hasn’t improved by much, but it’s better.
“Seth, you’re doing it again.” Timothy grabbed my shoulders.
“Sorry. I zone out from time to time, don’t I?” I stammered.
The boy clung to the ledge next to me. “Genevieve said your mind remembers things when you do that and that we shouldn’t bother you too much because you have to process it.”
“She’s right,” I stole a glance at the rough cave ceiling, “but sometimes those memories aren’t very good, so it is nice when you call my name and get me to focus on what’s happening now.”
“Like that time you started crying when you hugged me?” He kicked back into the water, splashing about.
“Seth?” Sword stood to the side. “Genevieve and I…” He searched for the words before glancing at Timothy and smiling to himself. “We think it might be for the best if we train before the attack.”
I waded out of the water.
“Can I come?” Timothy asked.
Sword cleared his throat. “Not this time around.”
I followed his gaze fixed to the lower half of my body. I bit my lip and hurried to my pile of clothes.
“Demons don’t have any mercy, do they?” Sword tore his gaze away and took a breath.
“They don’t.” I rushed to dress while he crossed his arms.
Sword’s eyes were soft as he searched me. He hesitated, opened his mouth, shut it, and marched to the training room.
I entered to find the two of them talking. Genevieve smiled at me and trotted toward me. “You’ve taught us to understand the nature of demons and how to fight them. We would like to help with your haunting, if at all possible.” She held the wooden weapon in her hand, ready to begin.
“How do you propose to do that?” I asked.
They glanced at each other and shifted on their feet.
“We have a theory. Do you remember you said the Alhalma is the energy to the physical?”
Genevieve straightened when Sword took his stance near her. “Well, what would happen if you used another human’s Ikulme? Like mine or Sword’s?”
I thought about it for a while. “Better is that you two are cloaks. Humans don’t have Ikulme , but you have power that comes from Ulhezaoi. I will need an anchor for you.” I scanned the room, searching for something that would do.
“How does that work?” Genevieve asked.
“You won’t like it much. During the previous war, the witches who fought against the cloaks had a sure way of matching the power of one cloak. They shared their magical power, created a circle, contributing their Ekesre, so to speak, and fought against the cloak, one by one. They all would have an identical symbolic element: a tattoo, a totem, or something tangible. I have another way, but it takes time. I can meditate and push power from the Ikume into a weapon. Meditation is a peaceful activity, and the haunting hasn’t targeted me when I’ve transferred energy into a staff. If my energy dips low or the haunting is too close, I break the staff and use the raw Ikulme seeping out to fight back. It only lasts for a small amount before decimating. It’s a last resort, and I must end the fight at that moment.”
The two of them stared.
“What?” I asked.
Sword rubbed his arm while side eyeing me. “I thought we knew a lot, but your knowledge on things of the Alhalma… It’s scary.”
“I’ll find paint. We need to practice how far you can push yourself.” Genevieve ran to the door and gave a yelp when it opened into a cupboard with paint instead of the large hall with bookshelves.